Break-Ups, Confessions of A Woman, Life, Love, Relationships

The Lessons I Learned About My First Break Up


1. Breaking Up Is Hard To Do regardless of how you two have broken up.

rachel and ross

It does not matter who did the dumping because there will always be a feeling of grief, especially if it was your long-term relationship. It is even more painful when it was your first relationship. I believe our breakup was mutual even though he started the idea of breaking up. All I can remember was that it was a calm decision as if was peaceful. I believed both of us knew months prior to the break up that our relationship was going to be done.

2. Everyone Reacts Differently after breakups.


After our breakup, I did not cry. I was sad, but was not crying a river. At first, I had to ask my mother and friends if it was a normal reaction. Unlike me, they experienced being depressed, angry, and at peace. I remembered breaking up with a guy I previously dated before him without crying. What I learned about myself is that I am quick to accept change when it comes to relationships.

3. Love does blind you and sometimes love is just not enough.


Looking back into my first relationship during the breakup, I realized the patterns of my actions and the differences that he and I discussed.

When we started dating in high school, being in Love for the first time was exciting. It felt like nothing can get in the way. We daydreamed about the future like a wedding and children. Although it was our fantasy, as we grew older, I realized that we was not on the same page. For example, he wanted like four kids and wanted a big family and I guess he was looking forward to it sooner than I thought. As for me, I did not want to focus on marriage and family, I wanted to think about me and only me first. I did not want to convert to Catholicism because I do not think denominations are important. He wanted to retire in another country and I just refused to live in another country where there is still sexism and fear of getting hurt. I did not feel like being the only race there either.

judge me

When we did long-distance for the first time, we definitely had our differences. He had an idea of me graduating from college and move to Kansas with him so he can finish school. I remembered I said yes at first but it was not out of love, it was because I was lost of what I wanted to do in life. For a year, I have been making unfulfilled promises and I had to look in the mirror and realized that I did not want to move to Kansas. I only said yes to make him happy. I remember there were times when he said that he had a feeling that he loves me more than I loved him.

4. You learned and accept the reason why it did not work.


After investigating my past, I came to accept that my love was not strong as his love for me. Not to say, I did not love him because I would defend him like my family, but the love I have for him is different now. The relationship helped me know what Love felt like, and how I am supposed to be treated. It also made me realized what I do and don’t want for future relationships.

5. It is okay to keep something from the past relationship.

After months of figuring it out what to do with my ex’s gifts. I decided to store all pictures of him on a CD. Of course I am keeping the hard copy pictures like my first prom because they are great memories. As for the stuffed animals, I decided to keep one that symbolizes my first love. As for the rest, I am giving them to children who need toys to play with.

6. It’s awkward as hell to stay in contact with an ex.

akward call

I don’t see how my ex can call me on the phone to check on me every now and then because I am still not use to it. Since the breakup, he has been doing the calling , not me because it’s awkward. I remember I had to tell him to stop contacting me for a while because I was just not ready to be in contact with him. Yes, he may still have feelings for me and trying his best to move on, or just really wanting to know how I am personally living, but it was not in my comfort zone.

When I did answer his call, it was out of guilt and to make him happy.  I learned that I did not have to answer his phone calls unless I wanted to. Last time, I answered his call and for the first time I did not feel awkward…I felt at peace that he is okay, so I can move on peacefully.  Therefore, it is okay to occasionally being in contact with  an ex, but don’t do it too often or you can eventually ruin your next relationship. My rule is that if you are in a new committed relationship, you have to cut all your exes off because it will not be fair to your new partner.

7.  You are NOT alone. Do not fear being alone. Embrace new independence. 


After the breakup, I had to learn how to do things by myself again. Most of time, I have my friends and family to fill in that lonely gap. There are times when I love doing things on my own. With experience being an only child, I KNOW how to entertain myself when it is just me, myself, and I.  When it comes to dating, I am looking forward to meeting different men, but only for a certain amount of time because I am not the type of date that wants to spend the whole day with someone because I love my space. I love the fact that I no longer need to comprise, if I want to do something, I can do it without arguing. Of course the perks of saving more money is a bonus.

5. Relationships changes you for the better.


I do believe good and bad relationships do change you for the better. From my first relationship, I became more outgoing, I learned to be more honest with myself, I learned a little Spanish and became more open-minded about what is going on in the world. I learned to try new things. I have become more realistic about life.  Therefore, you can come from a healthy relationship and a abusive relationship and change for the better because you will become stronger and know what you want in a partner. So take that break-up like a horse pill that may at first come with bad side effects but eventually it shall pass.

In closing of this blog post, my ex was not a bad guy. In fact, he is the type of boyfriend every woman needs, but unfortunately I was not the girlfriend he deserves to be with. He still may not know that, but eventually he will. I am different now and want different things for my future. If I were to stay with him, I would of kept him waiting until he eventually gets fed up and upset that he wasted some much time with me. He deserves a woman that shares the same vision as him. He needs a woman that loves him as much as he loved me. Therefore, I pray for the best for him.

Well…that is all I can say about breakups so far.  If you have a breakup lesson to share, please comment below. Also, if you need any advice, you can comment below as well.

Life Lesson #91: Plant the seed of the past in the ground, water it with your tears, fertilize it spiritually and let your new beginnings grow.


Thank You,

Lady Elle~

Advice, College Life, Confessions of A Woman, Dating, Life, Love, Relationships, Silly, Social Media

The Creepy Experience of Online Dating


Dear Dating Life,

So a week ago I decided to try online dating for the first time since I have the freedom now ( I had a 6 year relationship). Therefore I would like to say….It was creepy as hell!

creepy computer

So at first, I joined Tinder and I quit right after because it was boring and Tinder had some kind of trick where you have to swipe right to like in order to go to another set of people. For some, you can tell who were potential catfish users and of course there were beautiful people who were probably getting a million likes a day.

eyes roll

After quitting Tinder, a friend recommended me trying Okcupid. I admit, I had fun taking these stupid matchmaking questions, but of course, writing my own profile was time consuming.


I chatted with two guys. One guy was very nice, he was French and an engineer. He had a great sense of humor and he was caring. He asked me 1 day later to go out with him ,but it was too soon for me. However, I kept chatting with him.

Another guy I chatted with was a grad student at the same college I graduated from. He was nice, but from the first chat, I had warning signs and I wished I knew sooner to cut him off for good. He acted clingy or perhaps needy. For example, whenever I get a break from Okcupid he would message me with sad emojis wondering if I have lost interest in him. I explained to him that I was busy.



Later we kept chatting on Okcupid and he asked to meet with me in person. I said I would if he agreed to video chat first because meeting people online vs meeting in person is totally different. You never know if the chemistry is real and you can save so much time.

So I was excited yet nervous to finally talk to him and thankfully he was  the same person from the profile picture. However, everything went south!



After the fun basic questions, he started asking personal and inappropriate questions like how thick my legs were and how big my breast were. Of course I replied, “None of your damn business!” I was already ready to shut the call down.


After five minutes of giving him hints that I was no longer interested. I  had to tell him straight up that we was not working.

boy bye.gif

I immediately stopped the video call app and deleted my Okcupid account all together. You all can judge me all you want, but I rather meet and feel chemistry in person than online.

After that bad experience from the creepy dude, I feel a little bad about disappearing from the french engineer because I enjoyed chatting with him. There was a connection and a sense of calmness with him unlike the creep. However, my body and spirit said that I need to date nobody but myself. I need to focus only on me because the real world has just started and I need to know more about me.


Overall, it was an experience I had to try.

Life Lesson #85: When life changes, walk, do not run unless…you are in a very bad moment.

Thank you,

Lady Elle~

Comment & Share: Have you ever had a bad online dating experience?