Dear Father’s Day,
This is the 19th year I celebrate Father’s Day without my father who passed away when I was 3 years old due to cancer. By the time being that long, I cannot even remember the last moments of being with my father. The only thing that keeps the memories and the moments of my father are the pictures that are saved in my photo album.
I did give Father’s Day a try when I had a step-father, but it did not feel complete. It felt awkward and complicated for so many reasons. For the nine years he was married to my mother, I did not feel any closeness or, bond other than him being an authority figure. I never called him “father.” I only called him by his first name. Anyway, I tried to celebrate with him, but it felt like a job instead of appreciation because he was not fully engaged like a father should be. He did not spend enough time or engagement of getting to know me and when it comes to my future, he did not unconditionally support my career ambitions. He only supported the plans he wanted for me. Therefore, everything was about him, which was the main reason why the divorce happened.
When it comes to jealousy, I am not the jealous type. I don’t get jealous of other females because I uplift women, not bring them down. I wish all women are like that. I am in a relationship, but I do not get jealous if my boyfriend checks out other women. I check out other men because I do. There are beautiful people on this earth and why should I miss the opportunity to observe them? Haha.
The only things that get me jealous are people’s fathers who have been with them ever since the beginning. It really makes me hater when the person and the father have a strong relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I am not madly jealous, only just playful jealous, but sometimes it can hit me a bit emotionally.
Right now, I am currently reconnecting with my grandfather who is the father of my father and my grandmother (when I get the chance). Every time I call them, I always want to know more about them and my father because they are all I have on my father’s side. There are other family members, but they don’t seem to stay in contact with each other unlike my mom’s side of the family. Therefore, I have to stay in contact with them if anything.
For Father’s Day this year, I am going to celebrate peacefully and call my grandfather to wish him a Happy Father’s Day because even with my dad being deceased. My grandfather is still his dad and I will forever be my father’s daughter.
Life Lesson #75: “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” By Richard Puz.